On October 21, Evan will have been home from the hospital for one year. He had only two short visits back with life-threatening arrhythmias, which were resolved by great doctors, hard working nurses, good meds and the Lord. So I thought Evan and I would have some fun and write these little bits of info, all taken from the files and daily life of a proud medical family.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A MEDICAL FAMILY
- WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT YOU ALWAYS LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES IN A POSITION THAT WHEN THE NURSE WAKES YOU UP YOU ARE READY TO GO FOR BATTLE.
- WHEN YOUR 4 YEAR OLD SON USES A 8 FRENCH SUCTION CATHETER FOR A STRAW FOR HIS SLURPY.
- WHEN YOUR 21 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER BRINGS HER BOY FRIEND OVER AND WHEN HE IS LEAVING YOUR HOUSE HE SAYS HE IS NOT FEELING WELL AND WONDERS IF YOU WILL CHECK HIS VITALS
- WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS TO USE SUCTIONING TUBING TO SIPHON OUT GAS FROM THE CAR BECAUSE YOU JUST LOST POWER AND HE FORGOT TO KEEP GAS FOR THE GENERATOR SO YOU COULD RUN THE VENTILATOR AND CHARGE YOU R BATTERIES
- WHEN YOU NEED A BABY SITTER INSTEAD OF CALLING THE GIRL DOWN THE STREET YOU USE THE SERVICE CALL 1 888 MISS ADA VAN.
- WHEN YOU HUSBAND AND HIS BUDDIES TAKE ONE OF YOUR BACK UP MARINE BATTERIES FOR THERE FISHING TRIP
- WHEN YOU JUST GET BACK FROM A SHORT STAY IN AN I.C.U. AND THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU GET HOME IS AHHHHH THE SOUND OF MY OWN ALARMS BEEPING.
- WHEN YOU GO FOR A CLINIC VISIT TO THE HOSPITAL YOU TAKE A GROCERY LIST SO WHEN YOU VISIT YOU CAN ASK YOUR INSIDE CONNECTIONS TO HELP FILL IT
- WHEN YOU ARE ADMITTED TO THE I.C.U. AND THE ATTENDING COMES OVER TO TALK TO YOU, AND CALLS YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME AND YOU BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT HUNTING AND FISHING
- WHEN IN THE I.C.U. THE RESIDENTS STAY CLEAR BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU KNOW MORE THAN THEY DO
- WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK THE GRAND CHILDREN ARE OVER THE AUNTS AND UNCLES ARE OVER BUT THEIR NOT YOURS THEY ARE THE NURSES
- WHEN YOU HAVE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND INSTEAD OF PASSING OUT SQUIRT GUNS YOU HAND OUT 60CC SYRINGES
- INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT THE LABEL ON THE MED BOTTLES YOU TASTE THEM TO DECIDE WHICH ONE IT IS, BY THE WAY REGLAN IS MY FAVORITE.
- WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING INSTEAD OF LOOKING OUTSIDE TO SEE WHAT KIND OF DAY IT IS GOING TO BE , YOU SEE WHAT KIND OF CAR IS PARKED OUT SIDE TO SEE WHICH NURSE IS GOING TO WATCH THE MORNING NEWS WITH YOU BEFORE WORK.
- WHEN YOUR PRE SCHOOL CHILDREN KNOW MORE ABUT MEDICAL ISSUES THAN THE RESIDENCE.
- WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF NAPKINS FOR DINNER WHEN GUEST ARE OVER AND YOU SUBSTITUTE WITH 4 x 4'S
- WHEN CHRISTMAS COMES AROUND YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP MANY LIGHTS BECAUSE YOU AL READY HAVE PLENTY OF RED AND GREEN LIGHTS IN THE HOUSE
- WHEN YOU FINALLY LEARN ALL THAT FOREIGN MEDICAL LANGUAGE LIKE POOP AND STOOL. I KNOW THAT ONE, A POOP ISA DOCTOR WHO HAS NO BEDSIDE MANOR AND A STOOL IS SOMETHING YOU SIT ON
- WHEN YOUR HUSBAND FORGETS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND ANNIVERSARY AND HE USES THE HIPA PRIVACY ACT TO GET OUT OF GIVING YOU AN EXCUSE.
- WHEN YOU GOT TO THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA AND THE CASHIER SAYS I KNOW YOU WORK HER BUT I NEVER GOT YOUR FIRST NAME
