Cosleeping with a 3 year old...

kharmasmama · #1 04-07-2011, 10:42 AM

When Kharma came home from the hospital she slept in our bed. I liked it because she was easy to monitor, it facilitated breastfeeding, and I just slept better knowing she was right next to me. We moved her to a crib, pulled up next to the side of our bed w/ the side down, at about 10 months. She slept in the crib but was still in and out of our bed until 2, when we bought her a toddler bed. Currently the toddler bed is in our room, so I can hear her, but its not pulled up next to our bed.

The problem is that she still climbs in our bed at 1 am every morning. And since she sleeps in our room DH and I have to stay in our tiny living room until its time to actually go to sleep. Both of us are sleep deprived because its hard to wind down at night without actually laying in bed, Miss K is waaay to big to sleep with both of us in a queen size bed, and also having your three year old sleep with us, as a couple, is causing issues. I really feel like she needs to sleep in her own room. We have no nursing, but I did purchase a video monitor when I had notions of this trasition before. Do your kids sleep in separate rooms? What are your set ups and thoughts about the situation?

I'm really at a loss here because I feel like a bad mom if I just stick her in her room after 3 years, but I feel like she'd be safe if I kept the monitor on high volume since her room is literally two feet away from the doorway of mine. Am I overestimating her stability? She barely needs suctioning unless sick, and she doesn't sleep w/ mist anymore...

JessicaLalonde · #2 04-07-2011, 10:50 AM

I cant offer any suggestions but I understand where you are coming from. David is now 15 months old and 30+ lbs and shares a bed with my hubby and I. He always had as we do not have nursing and to me this has been the safest and best solution. I know what you mean about "issues" too.. We are going through much of the same thing.. HUgs

bryantem · #3 04-07-2011, 10:56 AM

Some parents start transitioning by putting the child's mattress in their bedroom close to their bed and moving the mattress farther and farther away until the child is in her own room. my suggestion is that when she comes in your room, to bring her back every time. Addy always slept in her own crib. For the first few months she was in her crib in our room and she has been in her room ever since. We had no troubles with her sleeping in her own room with a trach. She had her pulseox every night and when she woke up or if she absolutely needed to be suctioned, the pulseox alarmed. Unless she was sick, she never needed to be suctioned.

jarner79 · #4 04-07-2011, 10:58 AM

My opinion is your feeling of wanting this is fine and normal. My sons bedroom is right next to mine also, but we do have nursing. I think if she is healthy enough, the monitors will be fine. You have the Puse OX too? Also, how about putting a small bed or futon in her room also (if there is room) so you have somewhere to laydown when she is sick and you or your hubby would stay in her room for the night?

I have 2 nights a week when I have no overnight care (my son is on a vent at night). I just leave all doors open, and alarm settings on his pulse ox are set to go off sooner since the nurse isn't there.

kadiera · #5 04-07-2011, 11:08 AM

It takes practice....practice to fall asleep in her room, practice to stay in her bed all night, etc etc etc. Be prepared for it not to be a clean transition - you'll still end up with her in your bed some nights (maybe most nights for a while), but it'll at least get her out of your room for the first part of the night.

Maybe talk it up and make a big deal of how awesome it will be to sleep in her own room?

kharmasmama · #6 04-07-2011, 11:19 AM

We don't have a pulseox or any other kind of alarm, so the video monitor would be our only back up. I guess I'm also a very light sleeper, and thats kind of an alarm in and of itself

She's never needed 02, never been vented except in the initial hospital stay, and really the only thing that could happen is decan, but she's old enough to be aware of that and she's woken up DH and I before when she's pulled trachey out... I just feel mean tossing her in her room... but we NEED it!

Momoffive · #7 04-07-2011, 12:18 PM

Can you obtain a pulse ox (system is different here, but through insurance, doctors order etc.)? I think if you make a big deal out of her being a big girl and maybe some new decor for her room of her choosing then starting her out each night in her own room? I think I've written about this before somewhere here but it was my second oldest who liked to crawl in around the time #3 was on the way and we put a pad on the floor next to our bed (I used to call it his nest) that he could come into if he came in during the night. Gradually, he just stayed in his bed all night (came in early some mornings to play Lego, on MY SIDE OF THE BED!!!) b/c he was the early riser and older bro. wasn't! For me, being a single parent, there wasn't any issue with my sleeping in Robin and Logan's room when R. came home, but I get that for those of you with a partner, you need some time for intimacy and you aren't getting it with a 3 y.o. in your bed....I think the transition might take a bit of time but you're not being mean! Do you have any friends/relatives who have a little one around the same age who has their own room - maybe you could talk about how so and so also sleeps in his/her own room etc.....

bcaskey · #8 04-07-2011, 12:30 PM

I am in the same situation! HB is getting older and we only have a pack-n-play in our room with a crib in the living room (we have a night nurse during the week) and a crib in his nursery. His nursery is only a few feet away from our room, we have a pulse ox and we have a monitor, but I am so afraid to put him in there. He doesn't sleep well in the pack-n-play and I don't sleep well on the couch.

Plus, I'd like to start getting him acquainted with his bed and room in hopes of decannulation this summer!

Hmmm...

Christamae · #9 04-07-2011, 02:33 PM

We purchased a pulse ox ourselves. I would suggest using the pulse ox and baby monitor as your 'night nurse' The pulse ox will alarm if her O2 drops.

It won't be an easy transition for her. Really play up the big girl bedroom. Per Supernanny: First time child gets up: Get down to their level, look in eyes, "Kharma, it is time for bed. Please stay in bed for Mommy." Second time: It's time for bed sweety." Every time after that you simply put the kid back, ignoring any tantrum or yelling.

Good luck on your quest.

glowingpurpleaura · #10 04-07-2011, 07:30 PM

My personal opinion is i wouldnt put a trach kid in their own room.. lots do, it didnt sit right with me after hearing about a couple who did that with their trach kid who never needed suctioning went in the next morning and well

you get the idea. It scared the heck outta me so i had T's bed next to mine. If she gets in a 1am i would just be getting up and puting her back in her own bed tellling her shes a big girl now and needs to go into her own bed and that this is mummy and daddys bed. it will be hard at first and you'll be even more sleep deprived but long term it will be good when she gets the idea.