Being Done With Kids

[Ainsley's Mom]

My apologies if anyone finds this topic too personal. But I need to "talk" about it. My husband is (supposedly) planning to finally call to schedule a vasectomy in January. I know in my mind it's the right thing but it makes me feel a twinge sad. I liked being pregnant and having babies. Part of me would love a big family, but I feel like in today's world 3 is enough and so we only ever planned to have 3. But of course things didn't go quite the way we planned and I feel a little like I got robbed. That third and final baby experience was far from idylic. In my head I was really going to enjoy and savor it, knowing then I'd be "done". I'm not crazy enough to think I could handle a 4th child on top of the demands of a child as special as Ainsley. And now I also worry about Evie and Adrian having to care for Ainsley in my old age without a third sibling that can help care for us. I need to get over it so I can find it in me to bug him and finally get it done(he requires prodding to get things done). Am I the only person who is done having kids but not really willing to commit to that with action? Am I nuts? Okay, don't answer that. I know I am.

[Jacob's Mom]

Originally Posted by Ainsley's Mom

Am I the only person who is done having kids but not really willing to commit to that with action? Am I nuts?

No and no. DH and I have broken at least 5 appointments for him to have a vasectomy. You are certainly not crazy and I sooo get it!

[Ainsley's Mom]

Oops! Cindy and Ann, I meant to post this in Off Topic. Can you please move this for me?

[suzanne2545]

Ian wanted to get it done while I was pregnant with Parker. I refused. He did it when he was a year old but I still feel a little sad about it. Especially when newborns come to the studio for portraits. We still haven't written off adoption and if we do expand it will be via that route.

For me, every time I think about life with another I get overhwhelmed. Our lives are crazy as they are and as much as I want another one, I don't want another one. KWIM.

This is a deeply personal question and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I know for us we look at issues like time and money. Sure, there is truly always enough time and enough money for another kid but we find ourselves being selfish with our time and our money and ultimately that is what it boils down to for US at THIS time. I can totally see us deciding when the boys are teens that we are ready to do it all over again and adopt a couple of babies.

You really just have to follow your heart. And even then that isn't always the way it works out . . . ya know.

[WeAdoptKids]

Bless you heart. I know this is not easy for you or for anyone. Hugs to you as you try to find the answer you want.

Roberta

[Ann]

Susan - no need to move this off topic.

I never thought I'd have a fourth and didn't really "plan" him. I thought it would be overwhelming to care for Jack and another baby, but we managed fine. I'm glad I had my fourth and he did bring some closure to the "being cheated" feeling I too felt. I felt ready to be done after having Eric. I didn't feel that way before having him.

Without question, it's a tough decision. I hope whatever you decide, you are at peace with it.

[TommysMommy]

I want more kids. I really, really do and it saddens me that it's not meant to be. Out of 4 pregnancies, the last 3 were preemie and the last 2 were both high risk. When Tommy was born and had all of his issues, then losing him on top of that, hubby and I have decided we don't want to risk ever going through that again. It tough. Tommy was supposed to complete our family, not shatter it.

[bryantem]

I am not ready to be done either. We said we were done after my second, but decided to have a third when my son was 5-6. My husband said he wanted a big family and I want one too. I feel so cheated out of so many things and I would also like Addisyn to have a sibling relatively close in age. My husband knows how I feel and I told him I would like a 3 year age difference between the two. I have tried, but the feeling just won't go away. It is not likely that I will have another preemie after her and I truely feel that her issues will subside. My main issue for waiting a little longer is that she is only one, and should be the baby for a while longer.

I see my older kids playing and I want Addisyn to have that too. By the time she is old enough to play, they won't want to play with her anymore. I don't want her to grow up an "only child". Essentially with the age difference, she is an only child.

[LKN]

My husband and I go around and around on this topic. Nathan is an only child--we didn't plan on it, but it was just overwhelming to have him and all of his medical issues as our first living child. Now, I am old...and I worry about being such an old mom...

My husband wants another, too, but he feels like we can't afford it. I want another and could care less about the money. I have 2 siblings and so does my husband. I know what Nathan is missing by being an only. I know that we will both regret the decision to remain a family of 3. Such a tough decision.

I want to schedule the surgery for him, but we keep putting it off. For me, if we do the surgery it closes the book for me. Without the surgery, it keeps me in limbo hoping that he will change his mind...

[JWorthington]

This is a tough one, and there is no right or wrong answer. my dh has had about 3 appointments that 'haven't happened' We always planned to have 3and after 2, nothing happened so we thought we were done until I got unexpectedly pregnant and had a stillbirth at 21 weeks. we decided to try again and had Sam who has brought both pleasure and pain to our lives - though i could not imagine him not being part of our family - i simply adore him! We won't be having anymore now as we are too old,but i really enjoyed my pregnancies - I just wish I'd had my children sooner.
Susan, I'm glad you raised this, it's good to be able to 'talk' about it,it's a hard one