Off topic but i need advice

[cariaad]

My husband has been under a great deal of stress since right before Alli was born, most of it was job related. He was unemployed and stayed at home with her for 8 months, worked again for about 15 months and was unemployed for a bit again and now has a job in retail. During his periods of unemployment he seems to withdraw from almost all social contact. Recently I have noticed he is sleeping huge amounts of time (has insomnia to fall asleep, once asleep is like a stone) We had some blood tests at the dr for diabetes and thyroid but all came back ok. His feet swell horribly and are painful. He has some sores that are not healing on his legs. Another strange thing Ive noticed is that his sweat smells musty or sick but I cant put a finger on it eactly. He quit smoking in May. Some days he says/does things that make no sense, but never recalls it later. I am worried he is suffering from some form of depression or even some physical disorder. He is becoming very difficult to live with. My questions are: Do these symptoms sound familiar to anyone? And how do you suggest to a loved one that maybe they need to consult a counselor? I dont know how to research this but I am really worried. Deb

Wow, this sounds very stressful. I'm not a medical professional, but some of these symptoms sound like diabetes. Would he go back to the doctor? He may very well be depressed, as it seems like he's been in a slump for quite awhile. Are there other people in your family or circle of friends that could talk to him? Sometimes when issues are addressed by someone other than a spouse the person "hears" the message better. If you could go to the doctor with him and describe his symptoms, maybe that would open up some discussion about what is going on. You are right to be concerned, but you can't tackle this alone. I wish you both well! Take care.

[cariaad]

Traci, Our friends tried talking to him about this time last year, and he pulled himself out of some bad habits, but I am almost positive this is something physical...they dont really want to get involved again...they hardly ever see him and I think it makes them uncomfortable. He watched me suffer thru several years of horrible, suicidal depression (which we later learned was so bad because I was being overmedicated and given drugs that were counterindicated to each other). I think he is afraid of taking any medication for this reason. At least you've made me feel like Im not overreacting. Thnks, Deb

[christyw]

Deb,

I don't think you're overreacting at all either. I have been the only one in my marriage to really come to the edge of the emotional/psychological cliff - and jump off, and I really can't imagine having to help my husband thru it, I mean, I would want to, but really no one could help me, per se. I mean, I felt so alone, and nothing anyone did/said helped. Counseling surely would've helped, but we had no means to afford it, and I don't know if I would've gone either...without being escorted. Men are probably harder to "drag" to the therapist's office. I guess they are socially programmed to insist on fixing it on their own.

The physical symptoms are scary too, and I know you want an explanation. Stress and mental issues can plague the body in crazy, unexplainable ways - so that is a possibility if they can't find ANYTHING wrong physically. I agree that you need to step forward with everything and try to get to the bottom of it, but I have no justification in telling you how - because I have no idea. I wish you well with this.

christy

[arielsmom]

Deb,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this it sounds so hard. I don't have any great advice but you should definately not fear that you are overreacting because it sounds like he is really suffering and needs SOME kind of help or intervention of some kind. I would persue more medical causes first to rule out something that is being missed, has he had a blood chemistry done, like to check liver enzymes? Has he ever been checked for Hep C? I in no way mean to freak you out, just something else to rule out before dragging him off to counseling (which I am a big fan of). It's hard when your hands are so full with a child with special needs. I often feel I have nothing left to give and have to really keep myself in check to not get overly frustrated with my husband. Good luck to you my dear!
Karen

[Jacks Mum]

Hi Deb,
I sent you a private Message
Jessica

[Michael's mom]

You are so very sweet to be as concerned and caring for your husband as you are. After a thorough blood workup, my guess is it's major depression. My ex lost his job and for 6 months layed in bed, wouldn't shower, dress, nothing. And I have had the same where you actually have physical symptoms, like heart issues, headaches, memory loss, itchy skin, bowel and stomach problems, etc. Stress causes many, many physical symptoms. He needs to talk with someone, exercise, eat right, and stay away from caffeine and alcohol as much as possible. Hugs, Susan

[indiemum]

Deb,

I wish I had some wonderful advice. It is so hard to see the one you love in pain. Your hubby sounds depressed to me but I wonder if there is a systemic problem that the doc's are missing i.e. the smelly perspiration. Would he be willing to see someone to talk about his problems? It is so tough with a special needs child. Try to encourage him and tell him how strong it is to seek help. I'll pray for you and please keep us posted on things. Good luck

Kelly

[cariaad]

I really wish we could get some more medical opinions on this, but as we dont have insurance it's kind of hard. Im still trying to figure out how to pay for the initial batch of tests ($110! + the office visit). He 's had a few better days this week, but I'm still worried. Thanks to everyone for your advice and support. Deb