Hi. Tonight I am having a hard time not blaming myself for Alex's problems. Its simply because of my body that Alex is the way he is. I know I should not blame myself but I still have dreams that I am the reason my babies are the the way they are. I feel like I have robbed them of ever having a normal life. I know I did not do anything wrong, but how do you convice yourself when you know you failed. I have never failed at anything before and now my boys are suffering because of my physical defects. I have never had any probles before and I still find myself hating everyone around me having healthy babies. Will this ever end? I still find myself in such pain (especially when Alex and Aidan have more problems). I know I should not go there, but why did this happen? I sometimes wish I could have just done one small thing differently. I know it may not have made a difference, but what if?? How do you forgive yourself?
Mom to twin boys, Alexander and Aidan born on April 1st, 2003. They are former 25-weekers. Alex was trached from 10-03 to 4-05. Also mom to my lovely new daughter Amelia born August 19th, 2011!