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View Full Version : I vent A LOT!!


Baby1107
02-20-2010, 02:02 PM
I just realized that I use my blog to vent a lot. I hope people don't take it the the wrong way. We have so many GREAT moments, but sometimes I just unleash the serious stuff. Like today I wrote a post that might bother some...ah, well. I suppose I could save it all up and just come here, but then it wouldn't be a real reflections on my life...right?


(http://bit.ly/9ZTOIu)

MRSJOH
02-20-2010, 02:34 PM
where else can you vent really? and have someone know what you are talking about? :)

jamie
02-20-2010, 04:24 PM
if you need to vent you can vent to me anytime. i really have no outlet for my feelings, it is just me and my mom and my 3 children 21, 18 and Evan 13. If I have a bad day they already know it, they don't need me ranting, so I am happy that I can vent to others who understand.

lynn
02-20-2010, 04:28 PM
Janis~I follow your blog (almost daily) and we have been thru 100% of the things you blog about... It makes me realize that I am not alone, and the ridiculosness spreads from coast to coast. Please dont stop your venting~it really does help me to keep sane knowing others have been through the same things and put up with the same stupidity....

mylesmom
02-20-2010, 04:40 PM
I read your blog and I think you are right on and bringing deeper and more meaningful issues to light is important because too many moms out there are wondering what else to add to their wardrobe. In this country I think most people don't have true struggles in their life. They don't get it. You are a talented writer and your recent blog touched my heart because I felt for those babies not being held and loved like yours is.

bryantem
02-20-2010, 04:42 PM
I read it and I thought it was very well written. Another phrase I hate to hear is, "I could never do that." Well, it's not like you would just pick up and leave when it is your kid...At least I hope not. We do what we have to do. I don't really see it as choice.

Niff
02-20-2010, 04:45 PM
The reason I stopped blogging for quite a while was because I was constantly venting (complaining) about something and felt like it became a negative vessle.

I enjoyed your entry today. My "brother" (not someone I consider my brother anymore, but technically in blood he is), once commented that if it were HIS child, he would leave her in the hospital until she was normal. I didn't really know what to say to that.

TaraB
02-20-2010, 05:15 PM
I liked your post today. My least favorite phrases from people are, "I don't know how you do it." and "You are such a strong person." And like you, I answer that I do it because, really, what is the alternative? Of course I love Logan, just like I love my other three children, and I will do what it takes to meet ALL my childrens' needs, right? And no, I'm not strong...I just do what I have to do...doesn't make me strong, just makes me MOM.

suzanne2545
02-20-2010, 05:43 PM
Oh how many times I promised myself I would rock babies in the hospital when all my babies get into school. Still plan on it. Just gotta get Parker out of my hair, lol.

Parker's hospital before we moved and started going to Cincinnati had a "constant observation" policy for trached patients. So even on the peds floor a kid with a trach had to have a nurse in the room at all times.

It didn't take me long to realize that there was almost always someone else in the room too. I finally asked about it and found out that the other kids in the room were constant obs too, but not because they were trached but because their parents were suspected of abuse so a nurse and a child protective services person had to be in the room when parents were visiting. IF they were allowed to visit.

I've posted this on here before but I will NEVER as long as I live forget the day that the police came to take away a mom. That poor excuse for a woman took the clothes off her baby's back and all of her toys with her when she walked out the door.

A few hours later when a foster family came they had a car seat but no clothes with them. The nurse went down to the gift shop to buy an outfit.

Vent away. About all subjects.

KJKK8437
02-20-2010, 06:02 PM
I've posted this on here before but I will NEVER as long as I live forget the day that the police came to take away a mom. That poor excuse for a woman took the clothes off her baby's back and all of her toys with her when she walked out the door.



Oh. My. God.

I try hard to find sympathy for the parents who just can't do it, because I am not in their shoes and I don't live their life, but ... wow. Just wow. Humanity certainly didn't survive on the backs of women like her. That poor child.

KJKK8437
02-20-2010, 06:16 PM
Janis, the ideas behind your post today have been on my mind for several days now, by coincidence.

I was never comfortable with people calling me "amazing" or telling me how wonderful DH and I were. Even some of our closest relatives would say this, but only the ones who were still paralyzingly afraid of Alex's issues and thus still in "awe" of those of us who operated despite the fear.

I guess where other people saw a strong, courageous family doing miracles, I saw a family struggling to get from dawn to dusk and back to dawn again without falling down.

I think people need your blog because they need to know that parents who look like they can do it all are human too. I worry that parents like all of us are branded into 2 categories -- those who fail, and those who are superhuman. The reality is in the complicated middle ground. It isn't as hard as you think, and it isn't as easy as I sometimes make it look.

I summed up my feelings on these kinds of issues the other day when I posted this sentence on Twitter and Facebook: Responsibility is born where "I don't want to" and "someone has to" collide.

I sure didn't want to, but someone sure had to, and I'll be **** if it was going to be someone other than me.

And for those of you who do step in when the parents step out (or are forced out), I'm glad there are people like you in this world who open up your hearts and your homes.

Ann
02-20-2010, 06:39 PM
I think the whole reason we blog is to vent and share our life. People read our blogs because of what we share. If life was "perfect" we wouldn't feel the need to blog. There is no question that blogging is very cathartic.

Many people have found me through Jack's blog and have shared how much they can relate to what I write. People read your blog because they connect to what you write. So keep on venting .... keep on blogging. If nothing else, it makes you feel better. :)

bryantem
02-20-2010, 07:13 PM
I remember asking 1000 questions when I found out that a trach was a possibility. The nurse showed me the pictures on the NICU wall of kids who needed a trach at some point. I remember her telling me, "You will do fine. The parents that can't do it, never ask these questions." I remember asking myself in the back of my head, "What happens to those kids? I didn't think parents were given a choice." However, I was afraid to ask what the alternative was. I guess the reality is that some parents can't handle it. Maybe its not that they can't handle it, but choose not to try. Even though Addisyn may not be "normal" by society's standards, she is perfect to me.

Baby1107
02-21-2010, 01:54 AM
Thank you ALL so very much!!! I just didn't want to come off too negative or judgmental of other parents or people in general...just some times things need to be said. It really is a sad situation with the kids who get left behind...and I do mean LEFT by their parents. I didn't even touch on that aspect too much. Karin is right, those of you who pick up those kids and love them as your own are doing such a wonderful thing for them. Showing them love!!!:hug:

Again, thanks!!!:)

Kate
02-21-2010, 06:46 AM
Janis~I follow your blog (almost daily) and we have been thru 100% of the things you blog about... It makes me realize that I am not alone, and the ridiculosness spreads from coast to coast. Please dont stop your venting~it really does help me to keep sane knowing others have been through the same things and put up with the same stupidity....


I'm with Lynn. I actually really liked this particular post. I feel the same as you about pretty much everything you wrote...the other babies all alone, the question how do you do it...all of it. Even down to the nurses response. I felt like I wrote that as it was all things I have been through. :) Just do what you do and if people don't like it-well, they can fly a kite....I love it and love to follow it. :) :hug: You can't help how you feel or what you feel about blogging. This is the bare bones of raising a child with special needs and with that comes all sorts of different emotions-good or bad...so keep it up. :D

kadiera
02-23-2010, 11:15 AM
I enjoyed your entry today. My "brother" (not someone I consider my brother anymore, but technically in blood he is), once commented that if it were HIS child, he would leave her in the hospital until she was normal. I didn't really know what to say to that.

I always thought, how could I not do this - he's my child, and I'd do anything for him, but when I said something to a nurse in the NICU about that, she said that people are crazy, and some people have really unreasonable outlooks on life.

She told of a case she'd been involved in where exactly that thing happened. When discharge finally came around, they were "too busy" to come get their little guy.

The nurses could all see it coming though - the boy was a surviving twin; mom had said when the little girl passed that she knew God wouldn't give her a child who wasn't perfect, so he'd taken the little girl to heaven. :confused:

When the boy came up for a g-tube, dad said no, he was taking home a perfect child, and a child with a hole in his tummy wasn't perfect. :eek:

You can guess how the idea of a trach went. :mad:

Eventually, a lawsuit was threatened, and the father finally relented, but never learned to do any of the boy's care. It took three weeks, another threatened lawsuit, and a call to the insurance company to get him discharged....which was quickly followed by several "anonymous" calls to children's services....

jamie
02-23-2010, 07:03 PM
When Evan was in the hospital for so long he was kep in the ward for trach/gtube babies. We saw many different circumstances. One mom of twin girls both trached/ g-tube, would bring tons of toysand clothes, but never stay and visit. the girls were 8 months old. They knew mommy was gone it was really sad. Another mom lived in Reno and had tow small children at home. She did not speak much English, but she asked me to please watch her baby and hold him when she went home for the weekends. It was so sad for her to leave him. I had to leave evan, but he was 12/13 years old and I was there every weekend and holiday too.

Ainsley's Mom
02-23-2010, 10:40 PM
I think it's important to share the truth. I don't know about you one of my intentions of sharing our life on Ainsley's blog is to spread awareness. What good would it do to hide how it feels? I think the fact that you share your feelings makes it real and what makes it interesting to read. But, I do think life is hard for everyone. And "regular" people can't imagine going through what we go through on top of their own stuff. At one time in my life when I had just two averagely demanding little children I could never have imagined how I could fit in a third child with massive special needs. So I understand why people say what they what they say. I don't like it though and I am often left not knowing how to respond.