Trying a Poll

[Lily's Mom]

What do you do when people stare?

Hi Everybody,
I'm spending waaay too much time playing on this board. Â*I thought it might be interesting to give the poll feature a try? Â*I'm not sure what I'm doing, so please forgive if it doesn't work. Â*Look forward to hearing from y'all!Â*
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Erica (Lily's mom)

[annika's family]

I catch their eye and ask them if I can help them with something.
Either they are mortified that they were caught staring or they actually want to know what the trach is, so I give them the short answer: She breathes through this.
If they ask more I answer depending on how stresses I am.

[cbissell]

Glad you are enjoying the new board. The poll is a neat feature!

[Kaeric's Momma]

I just show off my beautiful son, if they want to look silly and stare then fine. Some ppl just don't understand because they never went through it. Usally Kaeric smiles at them and they relize he's just a normal cute sweet little boy, just with some extra stuff on the side.

[indiemum]

We just keep going and if someone has the courage to ask I will tell them the very short version of our story.

Kelly

[J&Jsmomee]

Most of the looks we receive are looks of admiration for Joel, not his trach. Ofcourse, we all know the difference between the looks. When, I catch a glimpse of a rude look, I usually choose to say "what? You've never seen a baby before???"

[christyw]

My vote was that it depends on my mood. When we are at the children's hospital, where Gaithy spent the first year of her life, visiting a clinic (which we do 2-3 times each month it seems) - I am more comfortable. I suction her in the waiting rooms, hallways (just not in the cafeteria). I get thru the staring then, with no problem. However, when we're in the mall it seems that as we are strolling along with Gaithy (while she is sprinting from the vent and wearing her HME), people are always looking, and they look a little longer and with a different expression than normal. It's hard for me not to stare back at them, sort of like, "HEY what is your problem?!" I know that is silly, I should just smile...it's true, most people are just curious and are seeing a situation they aren't used to. Sometimes I make the comment to my husband that people need to better educate themselves, but I guess many just aren't familiar to this situation at all. If the people seem interested in a check out line, restaurant, etc...I will explain that she was a 1-pound preemie, etc...

christy

[Olga]

Hi
I have never noticed if people are staring or not. Grace's trachy is not very noticeable and it only becomes apparent if I have to suction her, and then I am looking at her not at the people around me.
Small children are so straightforward (pity adults can't be the same) they just simply ask what Grace has on her neck. I just tell them Grace can't breathe through her nose and she has a special tube to breathe through. This always seems to work.
Olga

[Shari]

I guess I don't really notice the stares, I always think they are looking at my pretty toddler! If they say "poor thing" I am really quick to correct them! He's a blessing, a miracle, and a living example of God's grace and hope. I also always plug Arkansas Children's Hospital. They are great and need donations, so I try to help. When I see fundraisers for the hospital, I usually cry. My sisters HATE to go anywhere with me! http://www.twinEnterprises.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Lily's Mom]

Wow, it's neat to see this poll resurface after 9 months! Â*David and I are getting better about handling people staring at Lily. Â*My big epiphany came one day when I was trying to explain Lily's trach to a stranger; she looked kinda confused and said "Oh, I didn't even notice that." Â*It made me think that people really *are* looking at Lily (most of the time anyway) and not just the little white thing sticking out of her neck.
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Erica (Lily's Mom)

[nicksmom]

We smile and show off our beautiful son! Nicholas is vent free and needs to be suctioned often so people who don't know him seem to ask........"is he congested?" We have been asked that several times in public or at the hospital. I think that's a polite way of saying what's that noise.

My nephew (3 yrs. old) goes out with us often, he is Nicholas's big protector. He calls it Nicholas's booboo and tells everyone Nicholas was born with an ouchy and the doctors put it there and will take it away when his booboo gets better. http://www.twinEnterprises.com/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Becky]

Usually with kids I'm pretty cool about it, young kids are curious and I understand that. Most of the time I will stop and talk to them, using words appropraite for thier age level and tell them what my trache is and my oxygen tank is and that they help help me breathe. Adults on the other hand, well I just pretty much ignore them because they should know better.

[TanyaLea]

Usually most people will stare, but I just coax a smile out of Cody and instantly he warms everyone's hearts. After that, a lot of people will ask questions and I think that is great. Like Shari does, if they say "Oh poor boy!" I always correct them and tell them that he is a miracle and is doing so well for being 1 pound at birth.

[MRSJOH]

people don't notice the trach much, as J's chin is so big, when I am suctioning I have my back to people too, he does have the oximeter on and a feeding tube to his stomach, when he had his helmet he drew a lot more looks, it was kindof cute seeing this chubby head stuffed in a helmet

sometimes people ask ?'s and I am happy to answer if esp I am in a good mood, however if I am tired and someone asks an assuming question, like oh that's his medicine, or oxygen( i know we all get a kick out of people who thinkk they are getting o2 in their feet or tummy) or whatever and try to tell ME things I usually don't say much I am just tired, and also when we are out is is mostly for walks and I am just enjoying being a mom pushing J so I avoid eye contact as I am too tired to get into it

at the hospital though I usually let parents know when they ask as I have found many are going thru something and it is nice for them to see a parent caring for a child with medical problems and living a life :)

[cherienz]

I too have answered "depends on my mood".

Because Mitchell still has a feeding tube in his nose (at 5) and also a large protusion (his omphalocele) on his tummy, as well as trache, oxygen, I am never sure what/which thing, they are looking at. Before I had such a remarkable child I may have stared too (but would never made some rude comment) because I didn't understand or know better. For me I am so proud he made it out of hospital that these days I don't care too much what people see/think. If someone asks politely I answer with a short version of politeness to say he needs help breathing and feeding. If someone is just too nosey (in my humble opinion), I just say something more blunt like "yes, he is not feeling well". Kids I always give simple and clear answers to. I guess as parents we have to lead the way in understanding of difference.

I answered depends on my mood BECAUSE on a really bad day I ignore, or snap back - sorry, but sometimes this is my defense mechanism!!
Cherie:)

[Jennifer]

My child wears his cap now while out & about. Very little suctioning. My child just goes & goes when out. He loves to walk everywhere. People do notice the trach/cap but no one has ever asked questions. I'm sure some are wondering why he has the trach. I just smile & move on. I am proud of my little boy & his accomplishments. He just recently got off the vent. Making strides. Even when he had the vent, no one asked. I tend to be very protective & private. I do get a stare from some people but I think it is more curiosity. As mentioned, I just give a smile. It seems to work.

[Kamilah's Mommy]

I guess it really depends on my mood. I have always been a very private person and I try not to care too much about other peoples thoughts. But if people ask I'll just say something like, "oh, she has breathing problems."...When I'm out with my little girl and my husband nothing or no one seems to matter. It's like no one else exists but us.

[bryantem]

I step in their line of sight so they can't see.